Most artists have experienced the creative block. We get stuck in our work. We beat our head against the wall: nothing. Sometimes, it is because we are trying something at the wrong time.
~ Lukas Foss
After a long and seemingly un-inspired almost 2 YEARS…I have been creating regularly again.
2 years? Yep, I seemed to get lost in one of those “artist blocks” that I have always looked at as just a lack of discipline. That’s what I get, I guess! But it didn’t seem like a block, like something in the way of me figuring out what to create. I have faced those kinds of blocks along the way. I just work through those, with discipline and practice and by just slapping paint on something and hoping for the best. Even when I didn’t like the results, it kept me doing something, and eventually the feeling of un-inspiration would go away and I would be back to creating.
This was different. I didn’t wander around, wondering what to create, feeling like my muse had taken a hiatus.
This round, I just didn’t think about creating. It mostly just didn’t occur to me. Except for the occasional blip of a thought, wondering why I hadn’t thought about it in a while.
This round, I just didn’t have the drive, the motivation, the need maybe. It turns out, my body and my physiology ran my existence. First, we had a super-suprise pregnancy during a time when we thought the next round of babies in our lives would be grandchildren. Ha! Most of my kids are too young yet, but not so young that I thought that I would have another before they did. My oldest is graduating from high school this summer!
So my body went into conservation mode, I guess. All of my energy, mental and physical, went into trying to grow a baby and trying to help me wrap my head around the fact that we were having another wee one. Whew, that is a crazy thing once you’ve re-geared everything to growing the family and not still birthing the family. That, and I had to take a nap every spare moment I had.
* I did, however, keep up with my “Dear Baby” book…I have done one for each of the 5 kids…this one was my most creative book of all of them…I will share some of that as we go along cuz it’s beautiful and such a GREAT idea 🙂
After the baby got here, I had to face a rather tiring recuperation time. It seems, the older you get, the more tiring sleepless nights feel…and the more tiring all of those things that come with having a little one in the house again.
She is awesome, don’t get me wrong! Apparently, God knew something we didn’t. We needed her. She needed us. Our family wasn’t complete, and we just didn’t know it. She was just a little bit tiring at our ages lol.
Then came the thyroid inefficiencies. It took a while for us to figure out why my body seemed to continue betraying me. And why I couldn’t get beyond the fatigue and the pains and the emotional battles. Why my other systems were not performing optimally. And why I had such a serious feeling of ennui and anti-inspiration, anti-motivation. Not just not feeling motivated or inspired…I never felt the urge, or the inkling of doing anything. It wasn’t depression. It was just, well, nothing-ness.
I am beginning to come out of that. I’m still tired, and I still get a bit emotionally erratic, but not like I was. The baby and I are connecting way better than we were. And my aches and pains are slowly subsiding (for anyone wondering about thyroid stuff, I am taking medicine and am learning to follow some holistic thyroid plans, and at another time I’ll think about addressing that if it comes up).
But I am different now. I have been through something, I am still sort of processing the changes that came with all of this, and I am a new mother all over again. And I’m dealing with feeling old, it all brought it more in to the front of my consciousness. It’s so different than when I had our other kidlets. And we took steps to have no more kids haha. They don’t tell you how much you will have to emotionally and mentally work through these things. No one likes to talk about it, I guess. It’s personal, you shouldn’t mention it out loud, in public.
For me, it would have helped to have heard other women talking about how they went through these things. So maybe a small mention of it not being as easy as it might seem, maybe it can help someone else?
At any rate, I have been arting regularly again. In fact, I don’t have enough time to do all of the things running around in my head now. I can’t wait to get done with the chores and the schooling and the money stuff to get some time to art! It feels so good and so right again. Hopefully it will help me stop biting my nails!!
Some day I will figure out how to connect this to my old blog, or bring my posts over from there to there. I talked once there about how art helps me to not bite my fingernails. It all connects.
I still think about it all as an artist’s block. Doesn’t matter if it’s mental, emotional, or even physiological. It keeps us from making art and creating.
How do you work through those blocks? Sheer discipline? Therapy? Self-destructive behaviors?